Upstairs Neighbor Walks Too Loud (Sample letter included)

No one likes dealing with an annoying neighbor. But an annoying neighbor can be someone who clomps around as if they are wearing clown shoes upstairs or someone who makes unreasonable demands about how you act in your own apartment.

To address the first kind of annoying neighbor without becoming the second kind, you’ll need to learn the correct way to approach someone about changing their behavior.

Understand What Qualifies as Unreasonable Noise

When it comes to complaining about noise, you only really have a leg to stand on when it comes to unreasonable noise. (You can confront them about reasonable or borderline noises, but you are less likely to succeed).

Loud walking is one of those noises that can be really annoying and disturbing to you as you try to just live your life in your apartment, but it’s not easy to complain about unless your neighbour is charging back and forth on wooden or tiled floors at 2 am.

So, loud walking treads the line (no pun intended) between reasonable and unreasonable noise. It can depend on how many people are walking around, when they are walking around, and why they are walking around.

One person is not a problem, while six people are. Five o’ clock in the afternoon is not a problem; five in the morning is. Walking to the bathroom or around the house as they tidy up is not a problem; pacing back and forth for hours can classify as unreasonable.

What Are the Tenancy Clauses for the Building?

If upstairs neighbors are making a lot of noise, you may have more leverage to get them to change their actions if they are violating a written rule in their tenant agreement. Read through your tenant agreement to figure out if there are any specific rules your neighbor could be breaking.

Certain tenant clauses require carpet over a specific percentage of the floor. If you suspect your upstairs neighbor doesn’t have enough carpeting put down based on the amount of noise they produce, this is something you can bring up when you speak with them.

Other tenancy clauses include quiet hours when residents are expected to limit noise. This will only apply if your noisy neighbor spends time making unreasonable noise after quiet hours.

If this is the case, you can bring this up to them and give them a chance to fix their actions. But if they don’t, this violation gives you a good reason to approach the landlord about the problem.

Be Aware That You Have Very Little Control

Approaching anyone to change their behavior is daunting since you never know how they will react.

Some people may react poorly to even the politest of requests. This is something you need to understand before you approach your neighbor.

No matter how nice you are, they may still have a negative reaction, and they may not do what you ask them to. They might even choose the petty route and make as much noise as they can while staying just within the lines of compliance with the tenancy agreement.

Human beings are impossible to control, so you can approach your neighbor, but you have absolutely no way or right to force them to do so unless there are clauses in the building leases or apartment HOAs that cover your particular complaint.

Even though there is the possibility of conflict, you should still approach them. Just make sure to phrase your request politely and directly.

Do What You Can First

Because you actually have no right to tell your neighbors to walk quietly in their own apartment, you should only approach them when you have done everything you can on your side.

This includes soundproofing. If the ceiling seems thin above you, installing foam soundproofing can be a good way to dampen the noise from above.

You can also consider wearing earplugs if the noise is really bothering you. Find a pair that fits well that you can pop in if the noise from above is distracting you from focusing on something else.

If earplugs sound daunting, a more practical choice is headphones, so that you can play background music to tune out the noise of your neighbor’s footsteps. You can also play your music aloud from your computer, phone, or stereo.

For more tips on dulling the noise coming from upstairs, you can find them in Upstairs Neighbor Has Squeaky Floors (Practical Advice).

Pick Your Moment Well

If you approach your neighbor with a toddler at “suicide hour” as my mom used to call it (this means at four or five o’ clock in the afternoon), then you are not going to be well met.

The same applies if you catch them while they are rushing in from a long day at work with arms full of groceries.

Even giving them letters at these times can be problematic.

While there may not be the perfect moment to speak to your neighbor about how loudly they walk, there are still better times, so try to gauge when it would be appropriate.

Be Honest, but Not Confrontational

When you approach your neighbors, you will want to tell them the truth but keep your tone polite. People appreciate honesty, so be direct, but be polite as well.

Tell them that you know you have no right to tell them to be quiet and you have no intention of asking them to change their lives for you, but you are struggling with the loudness of their walking, or rather, the way the sound carries into your apartment.

Make your statements in terms of “I” statements, such as “I have been having trouble focusing due to the noise” rather than “You” statements, such as “You are walking too loud.” This will make your appraoch feel like less of a personal criticism and more of a request.

Invite Them to Listen From Your Apartment

If you want a solid reason to show your neighbors the problem, blame it on thin flooring. This will give you a good reason to demonstrate for them without placing too much blame on them.

Then invite them down to your apartment while you go upstairs and mimic their footsteps. Try to be realistic as to how loud their walking was, so that they can hear the problem for themselves.

Another reasonable way to demonstrate the noise to them is to show them a video where you can hear the footsteps from above.

Most people are not trying to be disruptive, so they may need to hear the error of their ways. This might be all it takes to send them searching for ways to walk more quietly in an apartment.

Tell Them When It Is Most Troublesome

You want your discussion to focus on how you are being affected by the noise. Don’t take the approach of, “you walk loud, please stop.” Rather, you should say that you struggle with the loud walking most during this time and this is why.

Maybe you work or study from home at certain times and really need to focus. It might pay to mention these times of day to your neighbor so that they know when they should quiet down their footsteps and when they don’t have to be so vigilant.

You may not even be home for certain times of the day, and you can mention this so that they know when their footsteps aren’t a problem at all.

You have to pick which hills you are willing to die on. Something like a 6 am rush to get kids up and ready for school is not something you will have much luck against, but you can politely veto the spontaneous dance sessions at 10 pm.

If They Agree to Try, Give Them Time

Ever heard the adage “Old habits die hard”? Well, it’s true.

Have you ever attempted to alter or break a habit like biting your nails or chewing loudly? If you’ve tried, you know how easy it can be to slip back into your old ways even when you are putting effort into making a change.

Your neighbor isn’t going to immediately change their ways overnight and be perfectly quiet all the time. They will probably take some time to get into new habits, so don’t bang on their ceiling with a broom the very next time you hear them make a noise.

I have ADHD, and someone can tell me not to do something like sing out loud, and I will literally forget and resume singing out loud ten minutes later. I do typically remember after a moment or two and stop, but it frustrates me when the person calls me out immediately.

Offer to Buy Them a Rug

Buying a rug for your neighbor is entirely optional, but it could be a nice compromise and a gesture of goodwill that goes a long way to ensuring a lasting cordial relationship with your neighbor. After all, you are the one who is having the issue, and as mentioned before, they do not have to change their ways.

If it is a big enough problem for you, buying them a rug could be a fast solution for your peace. Not only will it dampen the sound of their walking, but it will also remind them to walk quieter when they see it.

It can also remind them of your kindness and inspire them to make other changes to their walking habits with you in mind.

This is a great option if you have the budget for it. Otherwise, you can also offer to go halvsies or simply make the suggestion to them.

However, if they have to have the carpet to meet the minimum percentage of coverage, then they should pay entirely.

A lot of people have a problem with this option. They don’t think that it should even be an option. If your neighbor is walking loudly, why should you have to shell out money?

Well, it all depends on how quickly and happily you want the situation resolved, how reasonable your request is, and if you are willing to just show a little kindness.

Sample Letter

Dear [neighbor’s name],

I’m writing to you about an issue that I’ve been having and which I was hoping you could help me with.

I have been struggling to do [activity] around [time of day] as the sound of your footsteps is carrying loudly through the floor of your apartment and into mine. I have tried [method of silencing background noise]. However, I can still hear the footsteps.

As you may know, our tenancy agreement states that ‘x; percentage of the floor be covered in rugs. Kindly advise if your carpeting is compliant with this clause? Furthermore, the agreement states that occupants should be quieter between ‘x pm and x am’, yet I seem to hear you moving around quite loudly during those hours, which makes sleep rather difficult for me.

While I know that I cannot ask you to alter the way you walk, I would be most appreciative if you could bear me in mind when you go about your daily and nightly tasks and perhaps find a way to dampen the sound of footsteps from your side, especially during the agreement’s quiet hours. As mentioned, I have done all I can from this side.

If you’d like to come downstairs and hear how it sounds, let me know, and we can make that happen. I trust I am not being unreasonable when I say that the sound is excessively loud. My contact information is below if you’d like to set something up or discuss this more in-depth.

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter.

Best regards,

[your name/signature]

[contact information]

Free downloadable pdf of the sample letter.